Fantastic University Notice

Re:Masturbation in Showers

We have found several blockages in showers in university owned accommodation, most commonly caused by human hair.

However, over last term we found many of these blockages to be caused by large quantities of what we have now determined to be semen. This is intolerable,and we shall be tracing the culprits by means of DNA matching if the problem persists.

May we advise students who wish to masturbate to do so in the comfortof their own rooms, rather than in the showers.

Thank you for taking time to read this document.


P Robinson,
Director,
Estates and Buildings

Play Safe, Use CONDOM!!

Getting used to condoms can take a little practice, but don't worry it doesn't take long before they start to feel like an essential part of your sex life.

1. Always put the condom on well before you start to have penetrative sex (where the penis enters the vagina or anus).
2. Use a new condom every time. Do NOT reuse your condom.
3. If you are having a long sex session, change condoms after a while.
4. Never use two condoms together - whether that is two male condoms or a female and a male condom.
5. Heat can damage condoms so store them in a cool, dry place.
6. Check the expiry date - condoms don't last forever.
7. Buy condoms before going on holiday to avoid problems with language and availability

Pinhole Testing
After production, the condoms are tested. One by one, each and every condom is electronically tested for microscopic pinholes. In this test, condoms are placed over metal forms that are sent through an electrical field. The insulating characteristic of rubber allows this test to find microscopic holes and thin spots, through which electricity can pass and be detected. Pinhole testing ensures that all condoms are of the highest quality before wrapping.


Water Burst Test
In this test, a condom is tested to see how much water it is able to hold. Water stretches the front of the condom and weighs it down. Its ability to contain the water and withstand the forces on it is evaluated. The results are judged against national and international standards to ensure the highest quality.

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